I could use a little assistance. I could use a little positive news. Before I continue on, let me clarify a few things. I understand that I have my health, I have a job, I have a loving family, I have friends, and I have a dog that shows she loves me by growling at me and showing more affection towards my husband more than me even though I rescued her expensive ass, but whatever… that little bitch. I get it. I don’t have any major health issues and I’m not in prison. Yes, I am grateful for my life.
However, these past few months have definitely been trying and I was in a very dark place for a while. Thankfully, I am in the process of crawling out of that dark place, but it hasn’t been easy. I have determined that what I am experiencing is what I like to call my “35-cent-life crisis.” You have your “mid-life crisis” and your “quarter-life crisis,” hell, why not a “35-cent-life crisis?”
I will be turning 35 in approximately 36 days. I used to enjoy birthdays because it meant that I was getting older. I enjoyed getting older because it meant that I was possibly beginning to look a little older, which meant that more people would think that I’m actually over the age of 21, and take me a little more serious. As a reference, I was recently asked if I was 24. Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate that I look young and that I will look amazing by the time I turn 60, just like my mom. She’s so pretty. Anyway, I digress. It’s really annoying when people come up to me and put their hands on their knees to lean forward and talk down to me like I’m a child. F-you. I’m a grown-ass woman. Ooh, and don’t get me started on the race topic…
So, this birthday “milestone” has caused me to reflect on my life – where I’ve been, where I am, and where I hope to be. After high school I haven’t really followed the “traditional” path that many in our society take: graduate high school, go to college AND graduate, get a job, get married, have kids, etc. Well, I did go to college – many of them – and didn’t graduate until this year… 16 years later. I wanted to follow that traditional path, I really did. I only wanted to get married once. I was hoping to have two children by now. I guess it just wasn’t in the cards for me. But let me reiterate, I am grateful for what I have.
This upcoming birthday has me reevaluating my expectations. What I expected as a child, teen, or young adult may not apply to where I am at currently, and I realize that. But that doesn’t make it any easier. My darn biological clock also isn’t helping. Yes, I hear you loud and clear. Sheesh.
Our world has also dramatically changed since I created those expectations – jobs are scarce, rent is high, and home ownership difficult.
So, Universe, what I’m asking you for is a little assistance. Please help me get one of the many jobs I’ve recently applied for, one in particular that would be great for me. You know which one. My current job ends in December and would like to find something before then so I’m not scrambling (and freaking out) at the last minute. Please also help me find a nice, new apartment that accepts dogs in a nice area in Santa Barbara. From the homeless man doing inappropriate things in front of our house, to our bikes getting stolen, to Tall Guy’s truck window getting smashed in, to someone stealing the registration stickers off my car – all within four months – we are fed up with this neighborhood and do not feel safe here anymore.
I’m also hoping that my shoulder injury is just a bad muscle strain and that nothing is torn. We shall find out on Thursday.
I am doing my best to remain as positive as I can, but it’s not easy. I envy those who have the traditional life path that I wanted. I am learning to accept that I have created the life path that I am on and to appreciate it. I have to constantly remind myself of the Dalai Lama quote above. I have hit a rough patch and I will persevere! Patience, patience, patience…
Some people like to talk politics, others religion, food, and/or sports. I like to discuss my feelings. It helps me deal. So, I’m sending this out to my friends and family and others around me as you are a part of my Universe.