Death is such a difficult concept to comprehend. Who understands death? Does anyone really understand death? From a biological and scientific standpoint, I understand that our bodies cease to live; our organs shut down and the physical being ceases to exist. That sounds a bit harsh, but that is the truth. However, I feel there is something more to death.
There’s the spiritual aspect of death and of a human being; the soul of the person – their personality, their experiences and memories. I am not a religious person by any means, but I am a spiritual person. The connections that we have with other living beings, whether it is with other humans, animals, or nature, that is spirituality to me. I cannot deny the connections that I have felt before with all three.
So what happens after death? Who knows. I guess it is whatever we want, whatever helps us cope and move on. Does a person’s soul die, too, or does it move on? I’d like to think that our souls live on. I’d like to believe that we get reincarnated. Silly as it may seem, I think it’s a pretty neat concept. I guess my philosophy about life and death is like the Law of Conservation of Energy. When someone passes I’d like to think that their energy is transferred to someone or something else. The energy in our Universe is constant and it just keeps getting transferred around. The more people we have on this planet, the less resources we have. I think if we slow the growth of our planet’s population, our resources will grow. This is one of the debates that I keep having with myself – whether or not I want to have kids and contribute to the dwindling resources that exist. But, I digress.
I found out this morning through a friend’s Facebook status update that a good friend passed away this week. After I read it, I sat in front of my computer stunned. Then I felt confused as to why I was not upset or crying; I guess I was in shock. Then a few seconds later I was sobbing. Since this morning I have been spontaneously crying throughout the day. I’ll be sitting here working, totally fine, then out of the blue I’m sobbing again.
I met my friend, Rae, while working at Nettwerk Music Group. Even though she was an older woman we instantly became friends. We spent many lunches and happy hours together, she even came to my shows when I was in a band. She was such a kind-hearted woman, the type of person who brightened your day. She loved making cards for all sorts of holidays and celebrations. The kinds of cards that had pop-ups on the inside and/or outside, and would even put confetti and glitter in them so that when you opened it you’d get that crap all over you. Haha!
She had such a love for animals, especially dogs. She had such a love for all things Hollywood and the 50s. She had such a love for life and for helping others.
We worked across from each other at Nettwerk, however, there was a hallway and giant glass window separating us. We joked that the glass window was like her cage at a zoo. Whenever I would walk out of my office I would wave to her or do a little dance or be my goofy little self to make her laugh. In return she would make a funny face back at me.
We had a bond that I cannot describe. Perhaps she was my surrogate mom since mine lives in another state. Perhaps I was the daughter she never had. Whatever it was, I miss her.
These past few years have been difficult for her and I hope that she is finally at peace. I hope her husband, Stan, and her dog, Coco, are doing okay.
There have been times where she said she felt lonely. Rae, I hope you know that you are loved and will be greatly missed. You were an amazing and funny woman, and I am grateful to have had you as a friend.
This is one of my favorite pictures of Rae, back during her acting days.